Having a hard time....

I have never in my life had a hard time with a birthday. Never. I have always, for the most part, looked younger for my age.

Well, this year was "renew your licence" year. Not a big deal.
Being the procrastinator that I can be, I put it off until my birthday day.
I had a good book, Epicenter by Joel Rosenberg, all the time that I wanted to take, and some errands I wanted to run after. So off I go to the DMV.

I walk in and look around. Not to many people. Lookin' good. I realize I need a number. I can't seem to find the number dispenser anywhere. I don't really want to stand at the counter to ask so I start stalking people as they come in to see where they go. That works.

I get my number, 127. They are on 109. I bunker down.

I get very distracted. I can't read anything when there is a world going on around me. I use my book as cover to study people. I'm watching the clerks. I see 2 I want and 1 I wouldn't care for. As I'm watching, a lady walks in and goes right up to the counter. I'm thinking maybe she doesn't know where the numbers are. Maybe I should help her. After all, it is almost my turn and I wouldn't want her to throw a wrench in this fine tuned machine... No she's fine. The clerk directs her to where she needs to go...in classic DMV clerk style. Then it happens...."ONE TWENTY SEVEN"..ooh, that's me. Gulp, I have the stone face one...So I go up, hand her my old drivers licence, smile as sweetly as I can without looking to phony, make small talk. Then she is asking for my SS#. Hummm, OK. Everything OK? Yes, everythings fine, but the SS office has not put my number into my married name. Oh well, just another round of phone calls to make on another day. I pay, (she was very nice by the way :-) and move to the next line to have my picture taken.

I'm standing so I can't hide behind the book. I wish the lady next to me a happy birthday, and chat with her a bit.

Then finally it's time to have my DMV glamor shot taken.

I step up,

put my toes on the marks on the floor,

raise my head to the lady behind the camera, and she says,

"Please remove your glasses"

So I respond with, "What? Remove my glasses?"

"Yes dear"

"Uh, but I hid behind my glasses"

So she quickly responds with,

"Honey, nobody hides from the DMV"

Ok, ha ha very funny but...

"Yes miss"

So I blindly look toward her direction and she says

"Please put your head down"

So I do.

She snaps and and hands me my paper copy.

I scream. That's not me. Who is that beady eyed double chin old lady?

I thank her and I head to the car where I sit for a while in disbelief. Who is that looking back at me?

So with that all being said...I feel old. I know people around the world are dying for their faith, but I feel old. I shouldn't be feeling this way. I wanted to welcome age. Proud of every gray hair I've earn.

What a funny place to be. I'm not quite sure what to do with it.

I find it very interesting and very heart revealing. I look around and there are areas in my life I'm not content with. I see a focus change has occurred and I didn't even notice.

So, on my knees I go. I need things back in there proper perspective. What's on the outside is not what matters, it's what's on the inside. The hidden woman of the heart. If that's ugly, well then, that's just ugly. This will take a mighty work of the Lord. I don't want to be someone who hides. I want to be a Godly woman, wife and mother.

It is amazing how something so small can reveal something so large in ones life. I'm thankful to have it out in the open. I have talked to my husband about it so he can pray for me and hold me in account to what I'm doing in this season. So really, this has all been a blessing :-)

Until later my friends,